Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
