Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
