I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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