My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
