i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
