Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
