words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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