You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
