I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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