we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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