Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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