If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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