I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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