Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
