We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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