she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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