p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
