Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
