He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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