he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
