nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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