We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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