I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize