I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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