Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
