The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
