They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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