I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
