I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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