Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
