how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
