Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
