He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
