I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
