she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
