those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
