the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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