____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
