mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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