3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I could fuck to npr.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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