just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
