I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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