walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
