I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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