So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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