I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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