i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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