went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
