do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
