i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
