Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
