I met the friendliest cop last night
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
