Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
