I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
