I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
