I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
