Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
