she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize