Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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