your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize