I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
