Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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