If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
