did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
