1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
