nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
wrigley field is MILF paradise
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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