they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
