i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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