You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
