If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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