He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
