She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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