You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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