Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
