found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
