You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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