When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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