3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
