So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
