good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
