I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
operation harelip BJ is a go
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize