after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
