She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
