The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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