a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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