you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
