I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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