Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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