So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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