Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
