Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
