I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think your dad took our porno
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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