i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
