I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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