I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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