I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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