It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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