He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
