So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
